The Princess And The Golden Ball

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away where wishing was having, there stood a magnificent castle decorated with glittering jewels that shone like beautiful carbuncles on every wall. Within the castle lived a wise and just King, who had three beautiful daughters, each one more beautiful than the next. However, the most exquisite of the maidens was the youngest daughter. Her face was as radiant as the silver moon and her hair, golden tresses that adorned her shoulders, framed her sensuous face with marvelous beauty.

The King, being the ever doting and loving father, provided his youngest daughter her every whim and fancy, plying her with an abundance of gems and toys, anything to satisfy her hearts smallest desire. Yet, despite being so sickeningly spoilt for choice, her favourite plaything amongst all the treasures was a golden ball that was hand sewn by the Fairy Queen herself. The golden ball shimmered with an ethereal glow as she spun it in her hands, and it attracted her so very dearly.

Winter quickly passed in that kingdom, and Spring gladly took its place in the world. The weather became rather hot in those days, thus obliging the Princess to take up a daily habit of strolling down the oak lined path that led a distance away from the castle into a shady grove where she rested under the thick oak boughs and played with the golden ball to her content. Each day she would settle down beside the old well at the very center of the grove and toss her golden ball up and down, watching as it gleamed in the sunbeams, and catching it soundly with her outstretched arms each time it fell back toward her lap.

She did this everyday, and it never failed to amuse her, for she was a stereotypical blond; however, one fateful day, as if she didn’t have enough practice, her hands amazingly slipped and the ball fell into the well. She hurriedly got off the ground to retrieve back her toy, yet all she saw was a faint glow as the ball slowly sank toward the bottom of the brackish mire. The Princess crouched down unhappily beside the well, sobbing uncontrollably, for she was afraid of getting her frock wet as well as meeting Samara at the bottom of the well...

Just then, a voice cried out, " Why art thou crying, fair maiden?"

A Prince who stood nearby had perceived her distress and, noting her exquisite beauty was obliged to aid her in her plight. He forcefully strode over to her side and, with one steady hand impressed upon her shoulder, murmured gently in her ear," Do not cry, Princess, for I shall retrieve thy ball back for thee. Yet, thou shall be obliged to grant me the honour of living in thy castle, eating at thy meal-table and sleeping in thy bed. Thou shall not hire a lawyer to refute my claims, for I shall be much miffed, then will I retrieve thy ball back for thee."

The Princess, now looking up, noted how handsome the young Prince was. He had an air of steady countenance about him, and had a chiseled and bronzed face that seemed to radiate a golden glow in the setting sun. She pondered to herself for a moment, setting aside her grief for her ball. What would she stand to lose? A young man, whom so handsomely clad, would be able to satisfy her hormonally-induced state of puberty and be a companion in her journey into womanhood; as well as retrieving back her precious golden ball. The Princess excitedly agreed to the Prince’s strange request, relishing in anticipation the delightful times they would share together soon.

The Prince then tore off his travel shirt at her agreement and, with toned muscles rippling, dived into the murky waters of the well, which perchance happened to be wide enough for a man to dive in and came up gasping and puffing awhile later, for he was obliged to fight off a half crazed ghost of a murdered girl as well as hold his breath for several minutes underwater. But there, in his firm grip, lay the golden ball, shining in all its splendour.

The Princess then excitedly dragged the flustered Prince back to her castle, where she excitedly described to him the enjoyable times they would share," We can play Malibu Barbie and you can be my Handsome Ken(tm)!"

Her wise father had no objections to the handsome stranger’s arrival, for being a bit of a bi-sexual himself, decided that it was time that his youngest daughter to make her own decisions in life especially with such a handsome specimen of a man. That evening, the couple dined; entertained by the finest courtesans in the palace as well as being serenaded by the melodies of the court musicians. That night, the Princess expected an exciting time from her lover. However, the Prince was a perfect gentleman, choosing to sleep at the other end of her bed, with one leg on the floor.

The Princess was rather miffed the next morning, whatever happened to her night of passion with her handsome Prince? She then concluded that he was a tad bit shy and required time to get into the act. Yet the Prince never once changed in attitude for the next few days, and hardly ever expressed any sexual interest in her aside from the occasional romantic foot massage after long strolls in the scenic countryside and a session of tiramisu making together in the royal kitchens. How could a testosterone-filled young man withstand himself so well in the presence of a young, nubile and sensual beauty like herself? The Princess determinedly vowed to remedy the situation.

The Princess then ordered her chefs to cook up a special dinner one evening for the both of them. Oysters sautéed with asparagus, and chocolate fondue laced with heady liquor. She fed the Prince to the brim with such aphrodisiac-potent foods, and right after the meal, dragged him to the bedroom, where she had carefully prepared fragrant scented candles that would provide that romantic atmosphere for their conduit. In the room, she grasped the Prince tight to her bosom and moaned," Omg. Now."

She then kissed the Prince in passionate embrace.

Suddenly, there was a great puff of emerald smoke that spread throughout the room, blinding the Princess. She was thoroughly horrified and, staring down where her beloved Prince had once been, received the greatest shock in her entire life : there was an extremely repulsive, slimy, pimply, ugly, smelly and pockmarked frog in his place! Shivering profusely, she demanded an explanation from the grinning amphibian, to which he excitedly replied," Thank you, kind Princess! I was enchanted by a wicked witch who tripped over me and cursed me to wander the land as a handsome Prince. But thank you, for now I can finally return home to my dear wife and our 492 children!"

The Princess stared, speechless and unmoving, as the frog merrily hopped away.

GG. An adaptation from The Brothers Grimm.