And you promised me.. what? A life of love and fantasy we never meant to fulfill?

Thursday, March 31, 2005

in my field of paper flowers

and candy clouds of lullaby

i lie inside myself for hours

and watch my purple sky fly over me

i linger in the doorway

of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name

let me stay where the wind will whisper to me

where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story

nadirs and zeniths

life fluctuates around ups and downs

it's strange how quickly life can change in a second

all i rely on is that one bright spark to fulfil my day

when it's not there i feel totally shite. how screwed.

went out with m yesterday

we wanted to skip the principal's oh-so-boring talk

she's a nice lady, but hey, she's boring ok !

so we hung out at the heritage cafe together

talked about stuff as usual.

made plans for the night

so i went home later on. yawns

logged on to train some war3.

went out later on to meet m

met manda's boyfriend, james on the bus toward Harbourfront !

haha ! never talked to him much before, but he's pretty cool

he's really nice too, lent me his California Fitness membership card

so i could get 10% discount off at The Cafe Cartel in Cineleisure

yay. now i had dinner plans for the night.

we talked about church, lan, sports, life etc. he's quite interesting to talk to

haha. took the train to Dhoby. he went to Kovan

met up with m outside cheers at Cine (yeah my life seems to revolve around there, xing)

and we ended up at The Cafe Cartel. hahaha. (:

it's always nice to talk to her, she's pleasant company

we walked around Orchard for awhile, couldn't stomach the St Louis Ribs man..

my appetite seems to be getting shitty recently. and i think i know why

sent her home later on.

...

today was total rubbish, though

i didn't go to school. didn't have any lessons i wanted to attend

went over anyway to collect my 50 from thow

went in outside clothes, so the guard kinda stopped me and asked for my ID

haha. so i had a visitor's pass (:

met the guys at LT4, they had some stupid healthtalk which never started

we hung around outside, then i earned $2.50 for going in and dismissing the people

stupid bets makes the world go round.

felt damn jaded. the rest couldn't go out

and somebody wasn't returning my calls. so heck la.

went to e-games to stone.

wasted $7.50 worth of my time and money.

it's $2.50 an hour, i played 3hrs and 47minutes. and they charged me $7.50

looks like i cheated them of an hour's worth. hah.

bad day too. we won only 2 games. lost like.. 5?

don't know. wasn't in a mood to play, was feeling damn off and confused.

but heck la, i've just reached the point of 'i-don't-care-anymore-till-the-next-time-comes'

it's always like that

my life fluctuates because of this. haha.

so screwed isn't it

never felt like that before, it's a first

...

talked to xing over the phone

he's great to talk to

hope you'll get over your nadirs like me.

i just take my shit when it comes

though i dwell loads on it.. well, depending on the case

i still get over it and look over the next hill to the brighter side right ?

...

still not getting any replies.

so i guess i'll just switch my phone to silent for the night

ris says she'll call me later

i need to talk to her

think i need some counselling damn bad

i'm screwing up spiritually and worldly

hahah. i'm such a screw-up

don't even know why i bother with myself still.

shiate.

sheng just fucked his life up but no one gave a shit

wS thought about life at 7:59 pm

@--}--

Sunday, March 27, 2005

i could spend my life in this sweet surrender

i could stay lost in this moment forever

-I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing . Aerosmith

went to church today

it's easter, what can i say

there was the usual hubaloo..

speaker flew in from Israel

that's new

sat through worship and service

reading my book 'Angels & Demons'

totally ignored the whole service

man. i think ris gave me a dirty stare throughout

don't know what i'm doing anyways

it's like. i don't care anymore.

easter's pretty delusioned.

what's up with the bunnys and the eggs

since when did bunnys come into the picture?

and here's me thinking that today was Jesus' ressurection

bothersome American traditions (or is it European or African. Heck)

warping the entire holiday.

heh. i just said holiday, sorta implies my priority on this matter.

i know i'm supposed to care. but somehow i just don't give a damn

think i'm slipping into apathy

even my bass skills are slipping away

i've been skipping youth meetings

i've been shirking church commitments

i've been ignoring certain friends

i've been caught up in my own world recently

what the hell .

it's as if i'm waiting for something to come along and pull me out

well i'm sure it'll arrive sooner or later (better be sooner)

i go crazy.. baby i go crazy

you drive me.. oh, you drive me

crazy.. crazy for you baby

-Crazy . Aerosmith

scene in an Orchard Cineleisure lift :

Cast :

Lady (presumably American Boy's mother)

American Boy

Chinese Boy

Old Lady (presumably Chinese Boy's grandparent)

American Boy to Lady: " Wow! I can't believe we're getting to watch Spongebob. Awesome! "

Chinese Boy to Lady: " Yeaaaaaaahhhhhh! Can we get some popcorn? I'm hunggrrrryyy! "

Lady to American Boy: " Do you want popcorn? "

* Shakes Head *

Lady to Chinese Boy: " Well we'll get you a small one dear, popcorn always seems to make you go wild "

Chinese Boy to Lady: " OK! Then can we get some nachos and coke? I want big size! "

Lady to Chinese Boy: " Yeah sure, how often do we get to catch a ~~nice~~ movie, lets go! "

while all these happened the old lady just stood there in the lift

leaning against my friend and smiling affectionately at her precious grandson

kids these days are seriously spoilt

but reflecting back i manage to process 2 conclusions:

-they really don't watch movies that often (foreigners in Singapore don't unlike it's general populace)

-the adults just love mollycuddling their children/grandchildren, ignorant of their apparent flaws in morals and ettiquete.

and here's me wondering why children in Singapore these days are growing up to become selfish, grabbing and uncaring individuals who want the best for themselves

i'll confess i'm only human, and prone to such outbreaks occasionally. and i can't really blame the kid for doing so

but with a parent present shouldn't she have spoken up to point out the disturbing repartee our entire lift was forced to listen to?

furthermore, the lift was packed to the brim

do you believe in the omnipotency and omnipresence of God ?

well newsflash : many in this world don't

many still question the viability of God's grace

if he's that all-powerful and all-knowing

wouldn't he have brought us out of the mire we live in?

wouldn't he have saved us the agony we have to go through?

if he's such a powerful being

why doesn't he protect and shelter his 'children'?

perhaps you were a parent

with a young child

would you let him or her go skateboarding?

if so, would you run behind your child,

always ready to catch him when he falls?

i hardly doubt so.. excluding certain overprotective parents

learning through first-hand experience is a way we humans develop

we grow in our senses as we gain knowledge on the cognitives of a situation

if we're spoon-fed all the way

won't we fall into complacency and think :

there's no point in working, i'll just get my dues as usual

we'll never be able to mature

and this is the same with God

he put us on earth probably to give us a chance to grow

to develop ourselves, tempered through the fire

and forge ourselves into better people

just my 2 cents worth.

wS thought about life at 10:19 pm

@--}--

Friday, March 25, 2005

I'd like to point out an interesting point Straits Times made today in their Life! section :

Blink 182
The new-school punk trio was formed in California by guitarist/vocalist Tom Delonge, bassist Mark Hoppus and drummer Scott Raynor.

looks like they booted Scott for Travis.
new sounds required for a new change hmm?

and so, today :
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten son
That whosoever might believeth in him shall not perish
But have everlasting life.
-John 3:16
Good Friday's today
guess what. i didn't go to church.
ouch.

wS thought about life at 11:46 pm

@--}--

cut my life into pieces

this is my last resort

i'm swimming against the tide

i'm waiting for a life where i can't stop loving you

it hurts so deep inside

black to basics.

my shadows turn back to their shades of grey.

but fuck my love life it's got nothing to do with the more predominant problem today :

Blink 182 is frickin' breaking up

BLINK 182 IS FRICKIN' BREAKING UP

well i read Terri's msn nick saying that they've broken up

so i asked her, at the wee hours of 1.26AM in the morning : w-t-f ? are you for real ?

what a waste of talent.

so here's my tribute to Blink 182:

Mark Hoppus [Bass Guitar] - Greatest Punk-Rock Bassist EVER, and my inspiration to become one

Tom DeLonge [Electric Guitar] - Loved every guitar solo he played. Added the 'zest' to Blink's songs

Travis Landom Barker [Drums] - And the very best in the world ! Endorsed by Zildjian WTF !

if you decided to split because you wanted to enjoy your fan's money, i'd say FUCK TO YOU

-but- if the cause was because of the commercialism of the current rock scene into poppy-music

i'd just give you total respect.

you guys deserve it.

breaking through to the punk-rock industry off solid rock was great

you guys brought a new vision to society and taught us all something new

that this genre of music could be appreciated and grow to become a large scale musical inclination

shit. look i really have nothing more to say

some things can't be expressed in words, but rather, emotions

i'm sick of things not going right for once

everything's going bad here and there.

man.. what a bad time

but hell, you'll be remembered. for who you were

and not what you were made to. remember that. and respect it.

fuck to all of you non-blink 182 fans. you can just __ yourselves and die

why? because i don't give 2 cents worth about your comments.

what i say goes, because i'm right. if you don't like it, you don't have to read this.

gg no re-

I swear that I can go on forever... again

Please let me know, that my one bad day will end

I will go down as your lover, your friend

Give me your lips and with one kiss, we begin....

Are you afraid of being alone..

Cause I am, I'm lost without you

Are you afraid of leaving tonight..

Cause I am, I'm lost without you

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you

I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you

Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming

And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

-I'm Lost Without You, Blink 182

well fuck that.

they had to break and make me feel worse.

oh geez.

nevermind.

i love you.

so damned much.

yet i can't tell you

so damned hard.

because i'm afraid

that you so damned will not like me

because i've condemned myself to be alone

and why am i wanting you

because you make me feel so good

when i think of you my pulse races

and my heart stops beating

it's as if i've reached that point in life that i cant never go back again

and i don't want to go back

because, with you, it makes me feel complete.

together.

fuck this. it's never going to go further anyway.

maybe it's time to move on

to find another girl that's more.. suitable

again i've lost another love

and gained another friend

if friends are gained through such stupid methods

why would i even want friends for ?

no doubt, few of them turn out great

but most.. are just bull. no offense

well actually, do take some, because i don't care anymore anyway.

i know that you don't care

and i know that you don't want to

and i know that you're not interested

SO WHY AM I STILL HOLDING ON?

hahaha i must be crazy, but that's how we're all are

it's time i told myself to get out of this

and move on with my life

before anymore unnecessary emotional baggage builds up

fuck to you life,

you're not getting the better out of me yet

...

(do i sound like a cranky old man? sheesh)

wS thought about life at 1:27 am

@--}--

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

well got into ACJC Science. Not exactly what i wanted, but serviceable.
supposed to go to Sentosa with my class today, but everyone was feeling jack over their postings
so no one turned up except for Wang Yu. She got posted to Hwa Chong Arts.. madness.
went to Monster Cue to shoot pool in the end..
detoured at Chinatown to visit this club she wanted to see.. i think it was called Xenbar
seems that they teach salsa dancing there. haha.
walked about that long strip of road.. full of touts and cheap stuff
yep. and caucasians.
travelled down to Dhoby and met with Kenneth, Benjamin, Mark and Cyrus at MC
bloody hell.. Cyrus is freaking tyco la..
the table was like 6 foot only..
so any hard shot he made could tyco-ly get in. SICKENING !
he actually won me. like 3 times man..
then in the end we made a bet that the loser pay 50% of the pool table cost
so i had to win that one for sure.
paid like 4 bucks out of the 12. cos there were others there too playing what.
damn. next time we'll go to KPool at Cineleisure. the 8 footers there are the best
pool is my life man.
...well second to the most precious thing i treasure in this world.
we all know what that is :))
hmm.
today's the last day i'll see Wang Yu anymore.
she's really quite a nice person, and she knew Jun De, my ex-best-buddy in lower primary.
haha. interesting.
she'll be going off to Hwa Chong..
darn. and i lost another good friend.
that's the whole damned sad thing about PAE and JAE. the goodbyes.
what's the point. shouldn't get too emotionally attached during the first 3 months right?
then it'll be easier to fall apart later on.
seems my class applies this theory. we're so un-together.
i.e. today.
screw it. there's people i like in my class, and people i don't mind, and people whom i don't give a shit about
just to name those i like :
Shaun, Joshua, Li Ling, Wang Yu, Stephanie, Clare, Ting Wen and Cheryl
they're the nicer blokes. hah.
well.
nothing else to say.
school starts tomorrow. means waking up early again.
back to the drivel and grind of life.
-yawn.

wS thought about life at 8:28 pm

@--}--

Sunday, March 20, 2005

uninteresting observation #1 : on my winamp playlist while listening to Sarah McLachlan, i skip to 'World On Fire' when i hear 'Into The Fire' because i can't stand a certain whiny part of the song and i want to hear a nicer song asap.

interesting observation #1 : was in line at the Cheers in Orchard Cineleisure when i noticed this obese caucasian in front of me with his little daughter. Note that his daugher was of a very young age, barely reaching the 2nd rack of sweets at the counter area. He bought a box of Mentos and a New Paper and when he saw that his daughter was absorbed with the sweet display he discreetly whispered to the cashier for a pack of Marlboros. After the cashier scanned the pack of fags in, the man hurriedly pocketed his treasured pack with shaky hands, out of sight of his young child.

Now in my personal opinion if find that quite a shame.
If you don't want your children to know that you smoke. Then don't
It's such a screwed habit, you pay to kill yourself, as well as affecting others around you
It's not as if you're killing only just yourself, but rather, the passive smoking you create harms others too
What if your kid grows up thinking that it's alright to smoke. And becomes hooked?
Won't that be the same as sending him/her to their death?
If you really treasure your kid you shouldn't even expose them to such infernal devices.
Sickening.
Looking back, he probably bought Mentos to cover up the stank smell of tobacco.
Fuck you. You don't deserve kids.

uninteresting observation #2 : the song 5 Colours In Her Hair by Mcfly reminds me of Clare.

interesting observation #2 : i slept today in service. w-t-f.

It could be due to fatigue from the previous night's Synergiz concert.. loads of jumping, singing and plain fun.
It could be me sleeping late after arriving home late after leaving BK late after ending late from the concert.
It could be that i woke up early to play a Dota game on the comp before leaving for church.
But i think he was just plain boring. Some outside speaker came and yapped yapped yapped.
Honestly, i thought his sermon was quite alright, but his voice is so dronous.. is there such a word?
Well, it's official now since you understand what i mean : B-O-R-I-N-G. Boring vocals.
Fell asleep and the -20 degree air-con temperature was freezing my ass off.
Went out after church, the entire church had an AGM so we went to town.
Guess what. Lan with the guys. -yawn
But me and Gene played pool later on. I'm seriously out of touch. Need to improve. Maybe it's my specs.
Changed to my old pair this morning and forgot to change back. Geez.
Damned McFly song. Makes me think about Clare.
When i think about her i feel screwed because i used to like her.. maybe i still like her a little bit.
But i really like somebody else already, yet i can't stop thinking about her. w-t-f again.
I know i should really get over her, but you know, sometimes you just can't.
It's just this thing that keeps with you and you can't let go.. not till it goes away naturally.
Shite.

Planet Shakers rock.
I'll be there next year, too bad couldn't get a Synergiz shirt this year.
The design was totally awesome.
Damn.
Denise got one, hers looks great, 'cos she added on some of her 'artistic flair' :))
We were laming around BK.
Me and Gene sucked pepper up our noses again. Geez.
I sucked up an entire pack and Russ gave me 2 bucks. LOL.
Easy money man. But it stung like mad, went to my lungs too haha.
We banged on chilli sauce packets.. one pack burst out and sprayed all over Gemma's shirt
She was damn angry lar.. haha.
Fooled around in the MRT. Ivan was doing his 'Usher' dance.. everyone was teasing him. Quite funny.
Then some smalay dog pushed me aside to get past.
Felt like whacking his coffee-ass up, but Gene told me malays are damn pussys..
They don't dare 1v1 always get their mat friends to come and gang their enemies.
Weaklings and cowards. They don't have balls only know how to act big.
Stared at the loser for the entire trip. Hope i made him piss his pants 'cos he didn't dare to look back.

Well. Guess that's all.
School starts tomorrow.
What a drag. But at least i'll be doing something else rather than stone at the comp all day.
But i'll miss going out and having fun. Sentosa was great, guys.
sAkAEd.sOz--

wS thought about life at 7:12 pm

@--}--

Saturday, March 19, 2005

went to the Planet Shakers concert last night
wasn't quite as good as last years, but satisafactory nevertheless
we arrived late though, because i waited for Ben and his friends to finish eating
came only for the slow songs, which kinda sucked
expected more jumping and action
yawn !

went to BKs afterward..
me and gene were fooling around (as per normal)
screwed ivan up loads of times haha..
i feel damn bad now hmmmm.
oh, and we sniffed pepper up our noses
like on MTV
hah, must've been funny to see 2 idiots running over the place
shouting 'omg, it's burning LOL'
sick, had to get it out later because it stays in the nostril -grin
ris sent me and denise home later.. fell asleep halfway
was quite tired afterall
-yawn
won't be late tonight

wS thought about life at 7:54 am

@--}--

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

had a super great day today !

started out at Harbourfront

Qing and Su were laming with this MacD worker

this young boy.. looked as if he were 12

quite sad. but i suppose he has his reasons for working

St wanted to pee in a clean toilet

so we went to the office floor for him. sian

couple of office workers were looking at us weirdly

like wtf? what are these jokers doing here.. aren't they supposed to be in Sentosa

haha.

we went to play pool at the E-Zone upstairs (or downstairs now)

i won Qing 3-0 then.. but was really off-form

i can only play on certain tables it seems

haha. but i love pool. it's great fun and a 'cool' 'sport'

...

went off to sentosa later to bum around at Siloso Beach

St had bad karma today, though.. placed a can under the bus wheel

before the door closed haha.

we got tired of waiting for Ds so we swam out to an offshore island

Su couldn't swim well.. but we made it in the end

wrote FUCK really big in the sand there

wow. that's what we always wanted to do *grins*

Su brought a cam so we took some photos

waiting for him to send them over

...

went around checking out sights

was quite funny..

lotsa bikini babes dotting the sand there

yumms :))

Ds finally arrived with a ball

so we all started laming around playing football

what else do you do !

but some guys wanted to use the pitch for a proper game

so we did 'penalty kicks' into the water

almost hit some poor lady's head ! whoops...

Qing tried to be cool by throwing the ball for us to catch

threw it to some girls in the water

they were quite hot hmm. so we didn't mind -grin grin..

...

went out to shower and eat a late lunch

Ds jacked us all by running off with the locker key

so we had to wait at the lockers for 15 mins before he realised he had to come back

was damn funny.. he went almost halfway to Palawan to find a toilet to change

sian

headed to Sakae Sushi for food

had buffet. 3-4 rounds

almost killed ourselves

-burrp

haha crazy bill $91.80

had softshell crab, unagi, salmon, octopus, crabstick, ebi, tempura sushis

ordered loads and loads of kiyage or something.. tempura-styled veggies

was madness.. table was filled with plates

don't think i'll be eating anytime soon haha

feel the stomach bulge?

...

couldn't walk properly

-groans

hopped the express train along the beach

i jumped out at the end

so the malay bloke driving the train was like

apa itu ! eh boy what you doing, come back here !

hahaha

his expression was like ' my-salary-will-drop-if-you-get-hurt-wtf-not-another-one '

kind of thing. yeah.

...

went off home

Ds was trying to zg this hot girl in front of him

he didn't, but i did. hahahaha

she was okay laa. quite impressive !

sat in front of she and her friend

Qing and i were talking about our Sakae meal

but we phrased it such that we just had sex

Qing: Was it your first time?

Me: Yeah.. was damn tiring man

Qing: It isn't my first time, but it gets boring after awhile..

Me: I suppose so, i mean if you were to go on and on like that for so long...

Qing: Yep, you should use protection though, i always do, though sometimes i don't

Me: Really? Yeah, the consequences are quite bad if you don't take precautions...

protection refered to bulging stomachs haha.

lousy karma.

so i hit my head on the bus ceiling 'cos i was playing with Ds's Von Dutch cap

soon reached Harbourfront though..

but was too tried for after-eights coffees, so

took a bus home with Ds

talked about life.. how he wants to go to SP instead of ACJC

i hope he can make it to ACJC anyway..

talked about Mx and why he likes her

usual stuff

yepp.

wS thought about life at 9:28 pm

@--}--

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

still thinking about the girl at the rock show
she's been my dream ever since i got my class..
but it's so strange right now..
each time when i think of her
the memories just slowly fade..
maybe because
....she's going away
....she's doesn't want to stay
....she won't tell me how she feels
and i'm in love with another girl now.
wow.

wS thought about life at 7:10 pm

@--}--

2 days into the holiday and still nothing

at least we're all going out tomorrow to sentosa

muaha. we'll be able to lame around now

since mari can't come..

can't wait ! ahahaha . i want to go to the billabong outlet

so nice - but i bet it'll be hell loads expensive grgr .

hmm

wonder how we're going up.. by bus i suppose

yepp.

hope to catch robots soon

heard from friends it's a nice show

ah well . no one to catch it with

everyone's busy.. or too lazy

hmm hmm .

oh yes. helped out with the haunted house last sat

we did super lame stuff la

like shout nanoflame's name all over the place

he's this guy we hate on bnet..

refer to archives for a picture

sprayed glowstick fluid all over the place

cut myself on the glass tube shards too haha

ouch -

then the lousy 5E1 came in

they totalled the place. damn sad man they'll never grow up like this

that kinda spoilt the day. oh well.

freaks.

but all in all it was pretty fun

then went to my dear sis ris's bdae afterward

whew. tiring.

we spammed nanoflame and his lousy gang today

freaking stuck up small kids

they think they're everything..

well i guess all of us were like that once

no wonder my parents keep telling me 'so you think you know everything is it'

hahaha.

ironic. that i'm really hating nano's lousy attitude

but i wasn't that screwed. really.

he's the most messed kid i've ever met so far

and his friends are not that cool either. cept for a few of course

we trashed them in official war3

made them shut up. that felt good.

finally. but of course, they had to whine some more

i hate people who're just talk but don't back things up

that's damn annoying and lame

such people should really get a life . like gg no re-

dotdotdot

and i really miss your company

hope we can meet up soon

wS thought about life at 6:59 pm

@--}--

Monday, March 14, 2005

well
my friends since sec sch are gone now
broken ties with them
hope they enjoy their life
don't know why. but they're just not cool with my relationships elsewhere
fuck that.
they'll never understand anyway.
so what's the point.
just when i thought we could all move on together.
guess i was so damned wrong

wS thought about life at 1:12 am

@--}--

Thursday, March 10, 2005

what a wasted day at school.
my only periods that i had to attend was double swim PE
but that was cancelled becasue we had a long assembly
Kelvyna made us vote for our type of streaming method
says its the way ACJC does things . Steph (my retainee friend) says it's a first
hmmm...

celebrated Xing's birthday too
we all got him 3 bags of candy from mini toons in Heeren
crazy.. cost us 20 plus in all
was pretty funny..
i got him this jumbo card thingy too from Bloomington
everyone wrote in it so it was pretty neat
hope he liked it ! felt he needed some cheering up.. oh well

went off at 11 during school to Barker
helped out in setting up the haunted house for the carnival on sat
played around at sfogs.com.. stupid ghost site
the thing that was really funny was the way Glenn looked at the 'scary ghost'
and said, " you call this scary arh !? " in the dark
Shaun was damn embarrassed because he got freaked out by the ghost
and he had the light on. -grins

had to go for DC class today..
seems that Lynn found out that i skipped chinese..
stupid chinese teacher i hate her to the core.
she's boring. she's got an inferior complex. and she's 100% pure bitch, undistilled.
but he handled it pretty well..
reasoned with me instead of jacking me inside out . hmm .
because i take art ? strange..
says he doesn't want to restrict my creativity
came back from Barker to attend DC specially.
-yawn. lasted 1.5 hours till 6 .
well i finished up another poem in my dark series
that's 2 now.. maybe i'll do till like 6-7 max

seems like everyday we're waiting

for another better day to come

we sit there dreaming for a new beginning

sleeping early so maybe something greater will come along

the grass seems always to be greener on the other side

but what if the fence is broken what would you say?

i wish i could really appreciate the days as they come

but i can't somehow. each day that passes without her

i feel the pain and loss and i'd just want the day to end

so i can just see you the next day

why ?

wS thought about life at 9:26 pm

@--}--

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

and i fell in love with the girl at the rock show again .
but she's going and my hands start slipping .
losing yet another potential friend .
i wonder what would happen if she would stay .
someone whom i can talk music with
someone whom i can feel good around
someone... i used to like
someone... whom i wanted to like me
yeah
so i fell in love with the girl at the rock show
she's so cool and i told her that i didn't know

pieces of my heart start falling apart again
no amount of mending can fill the spaces once more
because they're torn apart from me - permanantly this time
all because i lacked the courage to say something out

and i fell in love with the girl at the rock show
i saw her crying but i couldn't do anything .
i hope you'll take care of yourself
we ended on a sour note - i hope he takes care of you
because it hurts so bad to see you cry
i'm sorry i couldn't be of help

i fell in love with the girl at the rock show
but she's gone and i'll miss her so

wS thought about life at 11:11 pm

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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

gothic .

swallowed up in the sound of my screaming

cannot cease for the fear of silent death

oh how i long for the deep sleep dreaming

the goddess of imaginary light

in my field of paper flowers

of candy clouds of lullaby

i lie inside myself for hours

and watch my purple sky fly over me...

life's really lethargic.. without meaning

when you don't have much of a goal to work towards to

the allures of just having fun all day suddenly wears thin now

i just.. don't feel like slacking anymore ?

strange .

skipped chinese again . double period .

went home early to take a much needed nap .

felt really tired this week

maybe because i'm hardworking once again. wow .

never expected myself to be that way

life just ebbs away

all the fun i've had just pulls apart like a thin veil

maybe because i don't treasure much of my memories at heart

but i never fail to forget the more meaningful ones

now there's only one constant left that supports me

and i'm lacking the courage to face up to her .

so shoot me.

i just feel.. meaningless

i should take up a hobby

like.. stamp collecting, kite flying or hell, alligator wrestling

beats the shit out of stoning around all day

i'm sick of the computer already

what's the fun if there's no one to talk to or play with

boring -

C's going to RJC.

it's already confirmed. guess what

she got 11, the same as me

that's just bad-ass karma

too bad we aren't fated

anyway, i don't think i would've really loved her

didn't feel anything much between us anyway

yawn -

oh well holidays next week.

no more stoning ! i get to go out everyday hmmm.

expect a much healthier blog from me then !

wS thought about life at 9:44 pm

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Thursday, March 03, 2005

my commentary blog ; www.unabletoexist.blogspot.com check it out

wS thought about life at 9:01 pm

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woke up an hour after school started and decided not to go
stumbled into my study and accessed the silly JIS system from the MOE website
finally .
there was no lag at all . applied for my JAE . yawn .
was up into the early hours of morning today.. 2 plus
talking to mari . probably sounded very sleepy .
i think i almost dozed off twice . was just too tired to hold a proper conversation .
yawn .

yesterday was rather fun .
met chang, ds, bs, edward, and some other AC guys in town .
we played LAN for awhile.. i'm really sick of the computer now .
went up to level 4 in Cineleisure.. had some leftover tokens from long ago
and my Time Crisis II skills have deproved temendously .
just an indication of my weaning off all electronical amusements . yawn .
we went to Taka for dinner. Mos Burger seemed to be the unanimous vote
me and chang didn't really think much of the place. it's hardly worth the money (or effort)
so we went upstairs to MacDs to get some mosh. tempura chicken burger sucks. big time.
it tastes like a regular McChicken .

bs went off to the toilet to change his clothes later on
we changed his wallpaper into the one where his senior was posing nude in the toilet
his bum was just out there . hahaha. his reaction was just super funny when he came back
yepp.
went back to The Heeren to go shopping !
i feel quite bad.. dragging the guys to get my stuff . haha. you know what's it like with guys and shopping.
browsed about abit before we came across this spectacle shop EyePlay
the frames there were pretty cool, bought a nerd one. hmm. got the lenses fitted in.
hope it turns out great ! gonna have to collect it next wednesday
we'll see..
went up to 77th and bought a shirt later on
that's about it. hope it drys by friday then i can use it.
hmm.

hardly did anything today but stone in front of the computer. what an irony.
played so many dota games that i felt sick at the thought of logging onto War3. ugh.
so here i am blogging and surfing . hmm.
my mom's down with a sore throat and flu. hope she'll be better by tomorrow.
mari's down with fatigue. hope she'll be better by tomorrow .

my emotions feel like a lead weight inside my heart.
it feels so heavy, like drowning in a pool of mud.
it's so tedious, especially when you run your life governed by emotions.
i'm just emotive, so sue me that i don't defer to logic or reason.
hmm.
it just feels dead. i don't see the excitement in school anymore.
now, only one thing keeps me hanging. and that's _______.
shan't say because i haven't the balls to.
i never have the balls to do this. shucks.
we're all just insecure at times. but we all just have to perservere.
ugh-- to what end ?

wS thought about life at 8:04 pm

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Wednesday, March 02, 2005

i channeled all my pain into this last burst

this tearing of my etheral fabric

no feelings describe how i feel now

it's an uncertain melody

telling me that i know what i want

but i'm scared of holding it in both hands

i sold myself short

i just can't find the courage to bring my dreams to reality

should i let them fester in the dark

and bring it into the open and

watch it shine and be accepted

watch it burn and be desecrated

well i got 11 points. but strangely i don't feel a thing.
i know i should be happy but deep down inside i feel torn.
i don't know. actually i do know why.
but i'm just in denial of the reasons that trigger these reactions.
ugh.

we had Founders Day today for the entire AC family.
it was a combined affair at the Singapore Indoor Stadium
went to school after it was dismissed haha
woke up like 11 man.. crazy !
i climbed over the back gate to get into schoo.. was pretty funny
'cos there was this senior there who said it was cool to do it
and he did it and asked me to come over too hahaha !!
had to gather in the hall later on..
some teacher asked me to remove my stud
took it out but put it in again.

boarded the bus with my class..
played with my zippo muahaha . thankfully the teachers didn't smell the gasoline.
gonna have to refill it.. it's been abused so much haha .
light on - light off .
hmms .
Founders Day stank . boring like hell.
qy was just bitching and bitching about Tharman's presence
and ls was bitching and bitching about the little kids necrophilic poses.
some stupid event they tried to organise to show the coolness of being together..
.. but obviously failed miserably.
they had giant balloons too. friggin boring.
yawns. we popped them in the end.
and the human waves that occured were miserable or retarded. how about both.
so yawns. so in the end ivan, nicolas and me threw paper planes around the place. -grins

went out to dinner with mari and her class later on.. Suntec City ,
we ate at the fountain terrace food court
only ate Yami Yoghurt :)
yummms ! really yumms !
but later we met st so all of us went to KFC to eat .
we had our 2nd dinner ! peer pressured ls and qy to get popcorn chicken meals too .
-grins .
wandered around that area.. then mari told me she was in Queensway
so we ran about trying to look for the stupid mrt
then ls took out his compass and started leading us everywhere the wrong way
man.. that's really messed.. we even walked into Milennia Walk and Marina..
sigh . oh well . we even lost zx and jpang on the way. haha i'm sorry both of you !
in the end we went to Cineleisure to get a bus to mari's place..
me, st and qy stayed awhile at her place.. played abit of pool .
then they left and i stayed back with mari to talk to her.
she's great to talk to :) stayed till 12 though, didn't even realise !
we made a pinky promise before i left
that she'll go to ACJC. i really hope she does.
if she doesn't i'll miss her like crazy. yepp.
had to flag a cab. darn midnight surcharge.

felt high for some strange reason later on
ate like.. my 3rd dinner at home ! haha -grins
it was some erm.. saba dish set whatnot my mom bought back .
was okay .. didn't feel like eating anyway .
logged on to type this and stone around .
alright. i think mari's sleeping already .
shan't disturb her 'cos she isn't answering her phone .
sleep tight -grins

time to bath-dry-change
then pull all night dotas with st and qy
yumms .
:)

wS thought about life at 2:40 am

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Tuesday, March 01, 2005

To All That Fell Short. The Autumn Auburn Leaves In The Light Of Spring .

i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
my weakness is
that i care too much
and my scars remind me
that the past is real
i tear my heart open
just to feel..

i won't forget our treasured memories
i won't forget the times we shared
i won't forget the past we spent
i won't forget the people i knew
i won't forget the people i loved
i won't forget all of you
i'll miss you all . but it hurts so bad to say goodbye .
i'm horrible at these things and it pains me .
i can't show it, that's why it hurts so bad .
i'd like to type this out to all of you who can't be with me .
with your friends . with people you knew but lost .
take care . my your feet lead you to the path that you desire .
and one day.. we'll see each other again . take care .

wS thought about life at 11:09 am

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