let me tell you what i did. i woke up feeling better.
my nose was relatively cleared and i practiced my guitar for awhile
quarreled with my dad. why? he doesn't understand me. and me him .
i trashed a coupla rubbish bins with my hands. my knuckles started bleeding.
they're still bleeding as i type this out. but they don't hurt. i'm feeling nothing.
why?
went to my room and scribbled up a frenzy. i had 4 sheets of paper filled.
don't wanna scan them in so i'll just type them out here :-
Me Vs. my Dad .
what the fuck is society man?
just a place where you get tormented?
what the fuck is friendship?
no holds barred in bloody diatribe?
i don't give two cents on your feelings (now)
you can just kill yourself
... bastard
i hate my life.
i'll kill myself
then i'll come back
and kill you.
i'll drag you down to hell with me
where we'll burn for eternity.
doesn't sound so nice does it. was how i was feeling then.
Men And Women .
men keep falling victim to their lusts and desires
giving in to the slightest whims and fancies
...that sets us apart from women
who view things with undiscerning coldness .
that's why. we mask our emotions
behind a facade of indifference
yet inside we burn .
women . they shroud their chilling indifference
behind a cloud of viable emotions .
to mask their calculating precision .
what the fuck .
just me ranting and raving about our sexual status .
My Visit With The Devil .
today the devil visited me .
he said "would you rather burn with me in Hell..
or play out your destiny here on Earth?"
i said yes. i'd rather burn.
where the worms rend your flesh
and the ethereal flames scorch your soul for eternity .
i know Hell. i've seen it .
so don't tell me i'm naive and stupid .
i'd rather go there now and burn
rather than prolong my suffering here on Earth .
i know where i'll end up anyway .
so why don't i just embrace it now .
Fuck my life on Earth .
there's too much pain and sorrow.
... at least in the pits of Hell the pain is indifferent.
you don't feel the link to it .
it's only 'physical' and i don't care .
i'm sick of what the world has to offer .
sick of hiding behind my facade .
sick of acting out a lie .
i'd rather truly die than live out my miserable life on Earth .
where there's love i can't accept
where there's comfort i can't embrace
where there's joy i can't experience
what's the whole point ?
.. and that's the sad truth folks .
