just got back from watchnight service at church .
the atmosphere was nice - relaxed but respectful of the sanctuary .
it's nice to see old memories once more .. nostalgia seeping in .
but it's a change from this fast-paced society we all live in .


sitting here typing out this blog entry i'm faced with so many questions :


how will JC life be like ? ... i'm not going to have a church friend there unlike Shawn in CJC .


how will it all end up to be ? ... will my O Levels be good enough ?


what's the real meaning of my life? ... do i even have a purpose in mind ?


sure i do want to pursue my dreams . even seeking its very essence is so hard to bear .
these dreams mean more than materialistic gain .
it's a satisfaction of my soul .
i don't want to work for something i find no love in - no passion in -
it'll be the very degradation of the heart .
...
sigh . thinking too far into the future .


we have to take each day as it comes . because each day that arrives is a blessing .
some people don't survive to see their next sunrise . whilst you do . yeah .
the rain's pouring lightly outside the bleak morning sky ..
it's 5AM in the morning . why am i still awake ?
still doubting . still terrified of what the future will bring .
i don't want to lose everyone . though sometimes i feel ..
that i never want to feel this loss anymore . it's bitten me so many times i can't say im shy .


what if one day we finally realise .
that anything is possible in this world .
would we still stay on ?
would we not go out and find something better - something to suit our needs ?


what i do know now is that i have friends and family around me .
i believe that they'll be there for me - to help me whenever they can .
i'll put all my efforts into CharacterChrist ! Our youth must stay alive .
i can't say i haven't been hit by spiritual attacks .
felt like slipping away . but i keep hanging on .
i promise myself each night i'll never let go of that revival fire .
but they keep coming - forcing their way through each flawed seam in my spirit .
trying to permeate into the fortress i've gotten up so recently .
pray for each other because it is so important .
we're all not immune to attacks and i believe even right now,
the spiritual fire may be ebbing away in many of our hearts .
it needs rekindling and prayer for each other is the only way to do it .


i'll miss every one of you ACS people .